“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early saints named Valentinus. Valentine’s Day is recognized as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and romantic love in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.
At this time, most businesses sell the idea of love with products ranging from clothes to candles. Streets and storefronts are lined with red and white items attractive to the wandering eye, for hopefuls who want to do something special on this day of love. If you want to go somewhere special, you have many hotels, villas and restaurants offering special deals that you may choose from.
It is a beautiful sight to see, as persons are busy trying to find the perfect gift for their partner. It is cute and at times hilarious, when persons become flustered and have to work in teams and listen to voice notes to ensure that they get the present right.
With all the excitement of today, the conversation begins days and even weeks before on what people believe they should get for Valentine’s Day.
Some men may protest that the day is biased to women, resulting in them getting mediocre gifts (what they argue to be the heaven between a woman’s legs); while some don’t mind. In the past few weeks leading up to this day, men have been circulating videos and sending messages advocating for better gifts from their women. Some even go as far as offering kidnapping services to avoid having to deal with the day of love. This is all in fun.
Another observation of the day is the pride that one displays in knowing that they have a Valentine – whether it be official or on the side. Unfortunately, society has conditioned us to believe that if you are single, February 14 will be a horrible day for love.
This does not have to be the case.
As a solo lover, we have a lot the be thankful for on this day. Here are some advantages to enjoying yourself on Valentine’s Day:
Reduction in Expenses
February is considered the month in which we have an ease from our financial strain from the December expenses. Having January’s paycheck as the answer to pay for most if not all of them, some of us may have this brought forward for February. If you’re single, then you have one less thing to worry about.
You have no worry about budgeting for an evening out, spending money on gifts or reserving a room for the day or the weekend.
You may be a single parent, living in a shared space or just a single adult. Whichever category you fall under, your amount per serving can be less and promotes conservation as you are dining for less persons.
Spending time with family and friends
Though we would want to have an evening alone with partner for a day and mentally we want to be apart of the percentage that can show off the evening with their partner. On Valentine’s Day, we can consider sharing the evening with our friends and family.
With each years that passes, we find ourselves becoming occupied with our goals. Distance can be created as well through miscommunication, malice and differences in opinion. This can cause us to neglect those who are near and dear to us. Use this time to check in and visit those persons who you haven’t had the chance to visit and interact with.
Rekindle the wonderful memories you have had together and create more.
Naturally with all good ideas, there are bad things can happen as well. Having these pros doesn’t mean things won’t go bad. As setbacks can occur, you may experience issues in terms of your spending for the month of February, have disagreements with said family and friends resulting in more distance is created than before.
However, the intention is not to approach these advantages with pessimism but believe that you can have a good time as the solo lover.
The most important aspect of the day is what’s happening to you mentally? Are you okay? Are you at a level where you can learn to care for someone and balance your life as well? Are you in love with yourself?
These are the questions we should ask ourselves whether in a relationship or being single. As they can help to determine if we are in love with ourselves before loving anyone else. Are we loving for the wrong reasons?
Often times we find that because of society’s norms, we believe that something is wrong with us if we are alone.
For example, you wake up feeling confident that you are alone, taking into consideration all the advantages you have as solo lover. However as the day progresses, you find your confidence may dwindle as persons around you talk in excitement or outright jeer you for being unable to spend time with a Valentine.
Worse case scenario, you woke up feeling bad that you are without a Valentine and feed into the idea that Valentine’s day will be one that you will dread. As you are alone and everyone is unavailable because they are busy.
At the end of the day for each scenario, you go home feeling sad because you are alone. This it doesn’t mean that the evening must end on a dull note. With consistency, once we remember that we are capable of loving ourselves and it is possible to enjoy Valentine’s day alone. The solo lover can be happy also.
With these external influences, we must be careful as we may feel like rushing into relationships that may not necessarily be healthy for us. Or give attention to those who don’t deserve to be in our lives out of wanting to feel love. In the end we hold on and cause more harm than good.
As a solo lover, use this time to reflect on past relationships and also the part you played each time (this doesn’t mean that you are going to call your ex reflecting on the good times, in the hope that he/ she will remember). As you reflect on your past self ask yourself these questions:
What can I work on to be a better version of myself?
Am I unable to be in a committed relationship because there is a particular lesson that I am yet to learn?
Do I have the time now to be a relationship? Is this aligned with my personal goals?
Reflection is paramount to your personal development, to become the person that is able to give and receive love. Before you make that step, you must proclaim the love that you have for yourself and enjoy the journey.
Treat yourself, take care of your body, be mindful of the things you allow to develop in your mind, what you hear and what you allow to leave your mouth.
If you have no place in your heart to love yourself, can you be truly be ready to love another?